shutup,please

People always say they will be there for me, always. But they are the ones that left me first. Those that never said anything to me are the ones that stayed for long. So please don't talk cock and promise me the moons and stars cause I will never believe you. Someone told me he would do everything on my bucket list with me but he lied cause not long after he simply disappeared without any reasons. Surprise surprise! I have no idea what happened cause he just wouldnt reply. Hello, if you happen to see this, it's okay. Really. I'm used to this anyway. Funny how I thought we could be friends when you just left in less than a month. It's people like you who makes me wonder why I bother talking to people cause after I pour my thoughts, they just leave. Or they just ignore me like nothing ever happened. Or even worse, talk about me and my weakness behind my back. LOLOL. They say if someone tries to pull you down, it only means you are above them. I already think I am at the lowest rack, to think you are even lower than me...

And all those sad quotes and stuff on instagram, I'm fine, really, I'm not upset over him anymore. I'm over him. he is a history I want to forget. Someone I never have afflicted with before. I just like those quotes. I think a lot. I over think a lot. And many times my overthinking had created a lot of problems. And sad songs? I love them. I don't know why. I just love Lana Del Rey and her songs. It's so... sad.

Many things had happened to me last year, so many horrible things so awful I almost had wanted to end my life. But I cannot cause I have my momma and daddy and darling nephew and friends that loves me.

So many things I want to say, so many feelings I don't know how to express all of them. Thank you for those people who have been there for me when I needed you. Thank you for bearing with me and all my nonsense.

I miss my bffs, i need a getaway with them. I wanna laugh and forget about everything in this world. The school work, relationships, my loneliness, my sadness, social medias and everything else. Just me and them laughing like no tomorrow. I love all of them so damn much it hurts hahahaha ok jk, it doesn't hurt. I'm talking nonsense right now.

Just some quotes/poems that I like, took twitter and facebook.

《自欺》

他說他忘了，
你會想，他真的忘了。
他說他累了，
你會想，他是真的累了。
他說他沒有空，
你會叫自己相信他正在忙。
他說他不方便，
你會叫自己不要想他有多不方便。
他說他在回家，
你會叫自己不要留意聽筒外的談笑聲。
他說他在睡覺，
你會叫自己不要記起他從不會太早入睡。
他說他想一個人，
你會不去想他會不會約了別人。
他說他有想念你，
你會不去問他為甚麼沒有來電。
他說他分不清感覺，
你會相信他真的分不清楚。
他說他不想你受傷，
你會相信這是他的真心。
他說他想見你，
你會回答願意等他找你。
他說他想靜一靜，
你會笑說不要緊。
他說他沒有喜歡別人，
你會無視他身邊的那些密友。
他說他沒有欺騙你，
你會不理會心底裡的那些不安。
他說他會努力，
你會叫自己去試著期待。
他說他對你始終不變，
你會叫自己學習去自欺更多 ......

有時候，
你會情願自已欺騙自己，
也不願讓自己發現，其實他是一直在說謊，
不論他是在騙你、還是他其實也在欺騙他自己；
有時候，
你會情願自已欺騙自己，
也不想讓自己有天必須去接受，
原來他已經連欺騙你一下也不再情願 ......

*

我知道，
你大概會繼續把我無視，
直到有天你完全把我忘掉；
我惟一可以做的，就是配合你的無視，
不要主動找你、不要再與你有更多交集，
直到有天我也完全忘掉你，
直到，再沒有人會為這一段往事心動 ......

那才是你真正想要的結局。
我知道，也預期，
等著，苦笑。

*

你總是喜歡問我，
我會等你嗎 ?
每次當你要遲到了，
每次當你想要失約；
每次當你不懂抉擇，
每次當你打算逃避；
每次當你感到累了，
每次當你心有別人 ......
你都會喜歡這樣問我，
這一條其實不會有其他答案的問題。
即使你可能已太認定，
就算你不問，我也早已經在等；
即使我其實也太清楚，
等一等，我們會漸漸變朋友，
等一等，我們會漸漸不再見。
但你依然會問，但我依然會微笑不語，
這是我們之間沒有約定過的約定，
這是我們之間惟一的默契。

*

They say love is blind, oh baby you so blind.

Maybe one day I'll believe again.

Maybe one day I'll love again.

xoxo