Cest la vie

Just because I don't say anything doesn't mean I don't mind.

Just because I don'y cry doesn't mean I'm not upset.

Just because I smile doesn't mean I'm happy. 

"It's not what I didnt feel, it's what I didn't show." - misery, maroon 5.

I have a love hate feeling towards being alone. I used to think it doesn't matter to me cause I am born a loner. If I weren't born with my friends, I really doubt I will ever make any close friends throughout my 18 years of living. You may see me as a socialable person and is probably 'well known' (thats what people kept telling me which I refuse to think so) on the internet but behind the screen hides an introvert girl who doesn't have much friends. Ok, to correct this, I do have friends. Friends that I only talk to online, hi bye friends.. And please remember this, coursemates are not friends. Coursemates are just people who you know who happen to be studying the same thing by the same lecturer in the same room as you. You smile and occasionally say hi. But you're certainly not friends because friends are people who do stuff together. 

If you follow me on Twitter(@felindabling), I'm sure you saw my recent tweets about hating singapore. Not that I really hate singapore. Is just that I hate coming back here cause now that I'm staying here alone (minus landlord & roommate, they are not my family duh). I really felt alone. Many nights I look at the sky and thought, we're not far, we're all under the same sky, I'm going back on Friday. It's not that tough. You're not alone. You're missed at home. And as I'm typing this my tears are falling on my screen cause I know it's stupid. I mean, it's only Singapore. Home is only a river away please. But you know what? The pain of leaving home every week is tough. I think I would rather go KL and face this pain every month or so than every week. Maybe at least I could tell myself it's because it's so far. But SG is really so near, yet so far. I'm so homesick right now. I miss home. I miss my mom. 

You know what? Last sunday, I cried thinking of coming back here (I'm in SG now). Like, my family members are having dinner and I'm upstairs alone getting ready to come back. I was the first to finish my food and mom asked me if I wanna go back SG now. The first thought that came into my mind was that, why? Why are you chasing me away from being at home? You all havent even finish your food you already cant wait for me to go away?? I must admit that I was quite emotional recently. Tiny things are able to make me cry. I never used to cry so easily. I don't know why, things seemed to have changed. 

Anyway, back to topic. I hate school. I hate going to school. I used to hate high school but now I wish I'm back. At least then, I had CY, WS and Sara. They are my real friends who actually do stuff with me and talk to me and we share secrets and talked about almost everything and we're always together. Ok maybe not Sara but we're always happy to see each other and talked non stop despite the age difference. Right now, I'm truly alone. I don't have anyone. The people who used to be my friends, who I used to always hang out and talk and laugh and do assignments together are gone. I tried mixing into their topics but now all I am is a tagalong. Cause the thumb may be a part of the palm but it is not a finger. I'm the thumb. Many times I am walking behind them not knowing what's the joke, what are they doing after school, how are their assignments going, what are they talking about, where are they shopping, where are they working, which girl are they gossiping about, who is whose eye candy now. I tried keeping up with them and I guess they are probably just too kind to chase me away cause mostly they'd tell me a little and then go ahead talking among themselves again. They don't even mind if I don't follow them around. They left me alone in studio not telling me they went to the toilet or canteen. What is worse is I can't even mix with my roommate who is also my classmate cause I don't get their topic too. I'm just, alone. I thought I would never admit this but it actually hurts to see the people whom you thought are you close friends and will always be until we graduate, leaving you out of the everything that they are doing.

And he will never understand how I feel cause he is really socialable and has many friends cause he is able to talk to almost everyone about everything. Yet, he is always telling me he hasn't any friends. He should be in my place for a day to see how is it like to be me. But it only makes us quarrel if we ever talk about this. 

Also, this course didn't turn out as fun as I used to think it was. We've starting using computer programmes and me, being a total noob at computers is having a hard time. I'm so tired. So alone. But however everything is being, this is life and I just gotta accept it. Friends or no friends. Alone or not. I just wanna pass this 3 years ASAP and then get to do what I want. Be it air stewardess, make up artist, ceramist or lady boss of my own shop. Not as if I dream to because an interior designer. At least not now. I'm just aiming for pass and survival. 

Thanks for reading.

May you have a goodnight sleep. 

God bless you. 

xoxo

BTW, have I mentioned that I recently just set up an online store on facebook (www.facebook.com/fashionblingonline) and will be receiving orders starting from 31st of Oct which is this Thursday? I'm sure I haven't yet. So please if you're from Malaysia, please come and support me by clicking like, sharing to your friends or ordering from me. Meet ups are available in JB (Johor Bahru) so you can save on your postal fees (;

Half A Week Passed

So, I'm back to poly and well assignments starting again..

First day of school:
Weird, totally weird. almost everyone changed their hair style/colour. Even the lecturers. Alan started wearing glasses. No wonder he looks weird, i thought he changed glasses until eunice reminded me that he never use to wear specs. Ahh, first day of school was not bad. Expected to have colour studies the first thing in the morning but when I went into the studio, I was like WHY IS WAYNE HERE. And i got the news that they changed the timetable, again #typical. Anyway, lesson was great cause we got to watch one of my fav cartoon anime - howl's moving castle (and got asdgfbflmwhjo by howl's handsomeness... omg, i'm fanatising a cartoon character.) after watching the movie, the real deal came. We are freaking expected to design a moving castle of our own. How to even......

-

15th oct:
Its Hari Raya Haji! Went back to jb cause my roommate is going back too. Don't wanna be alone in this place, landlord and landlady went holiday so i'll be all alone.. boo hoo. Anyway, I drove! OMG. At first I told me dad I'll just be driving in the neighbourhood but when I went on the car and started engine and opened the gate, I panicked. I realized I have no idea how to reverse out from our parking space (slanting position). So i off/closed everything and went back to find my dad to help me. He accompanied me a few rounds in and out of the neighbourhood and then I'm good to go. drove around by myself a few more rounds and went home. played a few rounds of pokopang on the bed, bored out, not daring to ask daddy if I can drive up to austin to fnd him. but after awhile daddy came in my room, saw me lying on my bed and ask why am i not going out. to which i said that my friend is in austin, i cant drive there by myself meh. and he said sure, why not? just be careful. I was like omg seriouslyyyy yayyyy. So then I drove up to austin all by myself and to tebrau city as well. And I made it home safely..

-

2nd day of school:
Early morning came back singapore for a 2 hour lesson T^T
TYPOGRAPHY. So boring ok. this lecturer (a new one, as in never thought us before cox he is part time lecturer) asked us to self intro wth the thing i hate the most... and class ended at 1pm. came back and started doodling, searching for ideas for my moving castle. wanted to eat the banana mom bought for me on sunday to find worms on it euw *thows out of window* (just kidding, I dont wanna be fined) (ini bukan malaysia)

ok lahhh will blog about my birthday when I am free, no nice pictures ah, no mood to blog also ):

Super easy and fast bake cookies

Believe it or not, I did these cookies in less than 30 minutes.

It's super super easy and all you need are 3 ingredients with you can most probably find in your house right away. A very good recipe for last minute baking I got from kidspot.com.au. 

225g caster (granulated) sugar

1 egg

225g peanut butter

*I think about 100g of sugar would be enough as the peanut butter itself is already quite sweet. i mine mine with 225g and it turned out a little too sweet. Also, puttingless sugar means being able to sandwich your cookies with some jam or nutella (:

Preheat your oven 180C for 20 minutes.

Combine everything in a bowl, if your batter is toohard and dry, can add a little bit of milk.

Roll the batter into round shapes and place them on a sheet of baking paper. This size is the size of a tablespoon.

Flatten them.

Send them into the oven and bake for 10-15 minutes.

Cool them off on the wire rack and keep them in an airtight container.

End.

PS: omg it's my birthday tomorrowwwww

Blue Mix Print Nails

Nail Tutorial

Things you'll need:

1. white

2. black

3. blue

4. black and gold beads

5. dotting tool

6. thin brush

start with your base coat and then paint them as shown

zebra prints - draw black stripes using a thin brush

and more lines

start by drawing a cross in the middle of your thumb and slowly thicken it

leopard prints - make random white sploches and then line them with broken black lines

stick on the beads, apply top coat and its done.

enjoy painting! (:

bye

Rainbow Tipped Nails

Nail Tutorial

As promised, a nail tutorial (:

Things you'll need:

1. white

2. colours of the rainbow

3. dotting tool

start of with your base coat and then a base colour of white

start by making red dots on of of the tip of your thumb

then orange on the rest of the tip of the thumb and half of your pointer finger

do the same with yellow

and green

and blue

and finally purple.

apply top coat and you're done!

You can also choose to paint the tips of your fingers white instead the whole of the nail

Have fun (:

bye

18th Birthday

Few days ago my mom kept asking me what do I wanna do for my 18th birthday since turning 18 is a special occasion. Like, I've turned legal. She suggested a small celebration, inviting my friends over and have bbq. I just said I don't know. Actually I do know what I want. I just don't think it'll work cause my birthday plans almost never work..

Initially I wanted a party like I mentioned in my other the other time on my dream party but I figured that would be for my 21st birthday cause it classier. For 18th birthday, I would want it to be more of a fun party. A pool/beach party. With bbq. I really like bbqs. The chicken wing, the hotdogs with honey, the corn, the fish, the meat, the drinks, the fun. But I dont think this will work since my friends are all so busy with their own lives :x

But well if this doesn't work, I'm actually thinking of just going out with him, a nice place, nice meal and cake maybe (omg i love birthday cakes, I always eat cakes but birthday cakes are special), or high tea/meal with a few friends also can, hmm or maybe get some money to go shopping or pamper myself with a pedicure/manicure. Just to pamper myself a little before school starts, which is on 14th oct. So not looking forward to it. I actually feel like quitting school already. Taking a course here might be even cheaper. And I can stay here. I hate going back to Singapore. I hate school. Not to mention the exchange rate is so high now I can't even....

Anyway, I passed my driving test like, finallyyyyy. Can't wait to get my P license and be able to drive out. Yes, I did mentioned that I hate driving but I think thats because i'm annoyed by the driving instructor's naggings. Ahhh but now its finally all over.

PS: will be posting some nail art tutorials soon (;

心寒了。

Hello, birthday month.

HELLO!

I'm not sure if anyone here is aware of this but it's my birthday month again. I'm turning 18 very soon. Omg. I'm gonna be legal soon. I can go to clubs and drink now hahahahaha kidding, I never clubbed before although I'd very much like to try it one day. I mean, I'm really curious how inside looks like. In my imagination and from what I see on tv and photos of other people and heard about it, it's a dark place with loud songs with a lot of dancing (drunk/half drunk/just started) people, people smoking and a lot of colourful lighting that I like. Also, I'd finally be able to change my I/C photo TvT the photo now is really damn ugly wth. It was taken when I was 12 years old, round specs, short ugly messy hair, stupid smile and overexposed lighting...

Anyway, today is officially the first day of my shop opening. I'm currently selling baby outfits, children outfits, family outfits. Will be adding pet outfits soon. Shipping only throughout Malaysia. If anyone of you is interested, this is my FACEBOOK PAGE and the instagram account is @babywearhouse143. Will be uploading cute baby/little animal photos as well so follow follow and help me share out the page, like and follow my ig account! (:

Retaking driving test tomorrow. I must say I don't know how should I feel right now. I just hope I wouldn't waste money and faster pass the test. May God bless me and my car and the pegawai......